Current mood:	sad
Entry tags:	fraud

Very critical self analysis

I need everyone to be attracted to me. It is so upsetting if they aren't. I get so angry and I feel so worthless.

I'm better than everyone. When you don't take my words for the definate truth (even when I'm lying), I get so full of rage that I want to physically hurt someone.

I hate seeing people in hallways that I know, but dont' know very well. I get scared and pretend not to see them.

I'm always right. If someone proves that I'm not right, you're still wrong.

I hate to be alone. You have no idea what extremes I will go to just to have someone be in the room with me (even if they're not talking to me). I manipulate. I lie. I make threats. Even idle threats. I do the same thing to make people like me.

I can talk my way out of everything. You don't even know it when I lie.

I lie so much and have created such a dependent and needy persona that I don't even know who I am anymore. I hate myself for it, but I'm afraid of what would happen if I changed.

I need to know what everyone thinks. Not just what, but when and why. If I don't, I feel scared and paranoid.

I think there's something wrong with me, but I don't want to know what it is, and I don't want anyone to tell me that there is.

I want to tell someone everything, but I'm so afraid that they will hate me (or I will hate me)once they find out who I really am, that no matter how hard I try I cannot do it.

Even when I'm in a group of people I feel alone. The only time I don't feel alone is when I have someone's complete one on one attention, be it good or bad.

My life is a string of failures. Everything I have ever wanted or tried to be good at, I have failed. I don't know what I want in life, because no matter what, I will fail. I want to be a success. Everyone is a success but me.

Sometimes I make you feel bad just to know that I'm in control. If I'm not in control I'm upset. I need you to want what I want so I make you think that you do.

I'm afraid that they only way I will ever mean anything to someone is if I sleep with them.

I regret so many of the things I've done just to gain someone's attention. I thought this would mean that they loved me, but I was always wrong.

I can't help feeling like everyone is mad at me, or hates me, even when I know that they do not. Even when it's just not logical... I feel that way.

Sometimes I shouldn't be panicking because I have gotten to a point where it shouldn't be a problem anymore, but I panic anyway because I need you to hold me. Once the ball starts rolling in that direction I can never seem to stop it.

I hate to hear someone running behind me. I fill up with this instant feeling of panic and the need to hide and I feel like I am going to cry. I have never been chased by someone who wants to hurt me, so I don't know why I do this.

Sometimes I recognize that I'm manipulative when I'm doing it, and even though I think 'This is wrong,' and 'I want to stop,' I can't seem to stop myself from doing it.

If you have read this, the only logical reaction is that you now hate me. I have adapted to being a bad person, and I hate myself. I wish I could start over.